"You do know, it's all down to you, don't you?"

Why did this question fill me with horror?

I had a moment of revelation the other day. I was in a meeting, and the role of the church in the local community was under discussion. Our church was praised for being present in situations that other churches didn't seem to care about.

And then came the question.

"You do know, it's all down to you, don't you?"

What would you think was meant by that? I'll tell you how I took it. To me, it sounded like this person was telling me that it was all down to me, as the vicar, to keep the church involved in this and other important things in the community. And I quailed.

But seeing the look on my face, the last who said it clarified: she meant it as a compliment, that credit was due to me for leading the church to be so active in the community.

Why does this matter? Because for some time I have had my leadership style under scrutiny, and it is becoming clearer to me that I keep too much to myself
To much responsibility, too much work, too much worry. Like many clergy, I'm a poor delegater. It might be because I'm a control freak, it might be because it takes quite a bit of nerve to persuade a busy person to do another job for you. But partly because of something a bit more complicated and intractable.

Because of the way I responded to that question. It's all down to me. I didn't know that I thought that, but apparently I do.

Time to remind myself that it's NOT all down to me. It never was, and never will be. This isn't my church, it's God's church.

Sorry God. You can have it back now. I hope I haven't broken it.