Restless Prayer

I tried to start a prayer journey, but I couldn't be bothered to leave home.

That's how it feels, as I look back on my resolution to become closer to God through prayer. And going public with it is pretty embarrassing, because as a professional Christian, a church leader, I ought to be good at prayer.

Somehow, I am inclined to think of prayer as a hobby, a side interest, something to do if I have time, or (if I’m not ashamed to say it) nothing better to do. But today I want to speak about prayer as a necessity, as a desire that is as deep as our deepest need, prayer that is not an optional extra to a comfortable life, but the bedrock on which life is built. If we are serious about putting God at the centre of our lives, then we need to cultivate a deeper desire.

But here's my problem. Being honest, really honest, (because where God is concerned there’s no point in doing anything else) I don't want a relationship with God anything like enough. I’m too used to being comfortable, satisfied, and full. And I suspect that many of you are just the same as me.

Gerard and Chrissie Kelly wrote a book called Intimate with the Ultimate, and the third chapter is called Restless. It's about cultivating a dissatisfaction with the way you are, and a deep deep longing to be closer to God.

They must have known what I am like.

Fortunately, they are very realistic. I love this bit of advice: "Tell God that you want this relationship; or if you can't get that far, that you want to want it; or if that is too difficult, that you want to want to want it; or if even that is too high a price, that you want to want to want to want it. Whatever your starting point, take a step towards a life of prayer driven by desire to know God."

I think I can manage that. I might be sitting in an armchair behind the starting line, not even dressed for a race, while the Olympic stadium is full of the saints cheering the competitors on, and the runners are under starters orders. The crowd are the saints, God has his finger on the starting pistol, and I'm sitting back, reaching for another chocolate.

God! Help me want to get out of this chair, and run the race!